Elsie Manley-Casimir
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Someone gave me a button a long time ago with the following saying on it:  

“I no longer have to stand in the rain, pretending I’m not getting wet.”

I think it was when I was going through the disintegrating of my marriage…or maybe I saw it and bought it for myself.

I have kept the button on my fridge for the last 30 years, looking at it from time to time to reassure myself that I needn’t pretend that all is well, or that it will get better or that I can “fix” something. 

I used to remind myself that I am a survivor and can endure much.  Born a Japanese Canadian, I began life uprooted from our home and placed in an internment camp. Although as a teen I only had one outright racial slur thrown at me, I grew up “knowing” I was “second class” – that I had to try harder than others just to be “equal.”  I was fortunate that I could do that.  I climbed my way out of poverty, built a successful career and created a life to be proud of.  I knew I was a survivor.

Over the course of my life, I have slowly realized that I needn’t spend my life “enduring.” I needn’t spend my life striving in every way to be accepted.  I needn’t accept everything that comes my way as inevitable. 

I don’t have to stand in the rain and pretend I’m not getting wet! 

Although I have always been very capable in many areas of my life, I am a slow learner when it comes to being in touch with my feelings and relationship situations…  I used to think my mission in life was to make others happy, to do all I could for others.  This also meant I used to feel that my feelings were not important, needn’t  be considered – that was being selfish. And as a mother and wife, being selfish was just not acceptable.

Now that I am in my late seventies – in the death zone as David Suzuki puts it (teehee) – I am getting “selfish”.  Although from time to time, I still do get guilty pangs when I put myself first. I am finding it necessary to do this so that I don’t turn into a resentful, miserable, complaining person

Don’t get me wrong, I still prioritize spending time with my family and taking care of my grandchildren as much as I am able to because I wouldn’t miss out on those unforgettable moments.  But as I enter this later stage of my life, I have created more balance in making sure that I take care of myself as well.

I never want to become a resentful, miserable, complaining person! Who wants to associate with a person like that? 

Instead, I have accepted that in order to be the best version of me, I need to listen to my feelings and make time to do the things that fuel me, that energize, and excite me so that I can still be the fun, loving, caring person that I want to be for my family and friends.

I NO LONGER HAVE TO STAND IN THE RAIN, PRETENDING I’M NOT GETTING WET!”

Instead, life is about dancing in the rain!  Will you dance with me?

Please post a comment below to let us know whether this resonates with you!

If you liked this article, check out:

How “Less” is More

A Working Mom’s New Perspective

The Power of Gratitude

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