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Someone gave me a button a long time ago with the following saying on it:
“I no longer have to stand in the rain, pretending I’m not getting wet.”
I think it was when I was going through the disintegrating of my marriage…or maybe I saw it and bought it for myself.
I have kept the button on my fridge for the last 30 years, looking at it from time to time to reassure myself that I needn’t pretend that all is well, or that it will get better or that I can “fix” something.
I used to remind myself that I am a survivor and can endure much. Born a Japanese Canadian, I began life uprooted from our home and placed in an internment camp. Although as a teen I only had one outright racial slur thrown at me, I grew up “knowing” I was “second class” – that I had to try harder than others just to be “equal.” I was fortunate that I could do that. I climbed my way out of poverty, built a successful career and created a life to be proud of. I knew I was a survivor.
Over the course of my life, I have slowly realized that I needn’t spend my life “enduring.” I needn’t spend my life striving in every way to be accepted. I needn’t accept everything that comes my way as inevitable.
I don’t have to stand in the rain and pretend I’m not getting wet!
Although I have always been very capable in many areas of my life, I am a slow learner when it comes to being in touch with my feelings and relationship situations… I used to think my mission in life was to make others happy, to do all I could for others. This also meant I used to feel that my feelings were not important, needn’t be considered – that was being selfish. And as a mother and wife, being selfish was just not acceptable.
Now that I am in my late seventies – in the death zone as David Suzuki puts it (teehee) – I am getting “selfish”. Although from time to time, I still do get guilty pangs when I put myself first. I am finding it necessary to do this so that I don’t turn into a resentful, miserable, complaining person!
Don’t get me wrong, I still prioritize spending time with my family and taking care of my grandchildren as much as I am able to because I wouldn’t miss out on those unforgettable moments. But as I enter this later stage of my life, I have created more balance in making sure that I take care of myself as well.
I never want to become a resentful, miserable, complaining person! Who wants to associate with a person like that?
Instead, I have accepted that in order to be the best version of me, I need to listen to my feelings and make time to do the things that fuel me, that energize, and excite me so that I can still be the fun, loving, caring person that I want to be for my family and friends.
“I NO LONGER HAVE TO STAND IN THE RAIN, PRETENDING I’M NOT GETTING WET!”
Instead, life is about dancing in the rain! Will you dance with me?
Please post a comment below to let us know whether this resonates with you!
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Rain is such beautiful medicine too! The Creator provides us with a cleansing to the degree we need it: a gentle mist or a torrential down pour – we are never given more than we can handle!
Thank you for sharing your beautiful Story – just the medicine I needed!
Hi Kizhay! What a thoughtful contribution to the ideas I shared in this article. I can reflect back on times where I have lived through both a gentle mist and a torrential down pour and you’re right I was able to handle it. It wasn’t always easy but I managed! Thanks for your thoughtful reflection. I understand Kirsten has the pleasure of working with you and really enjoys it. 😉 Elsie
I loved reading this on a rainy Vancouver morning! What could this world be like if every woman could live by the words, “ I no longer stand in the rain and pretend I’m not getting wet.”
Yes, let’s dance in the rain…especially in Vancouver! 😉 Elsie
I hear you Elsie! As I get older I find I have more time for me. My boys no longer need me and life is a lot less complicated. I now have time to spend learning how to listen to my needs, without, as you say, “feeling guilty”. Sometimes I feel lost not knowing which way to turn to direct my energy. I spend a lot of time thinking about what I should, while doing a whole lot of nothing. From having such a busy life, I find myself now in retirement trying to figure out what happened to my day. Maybe that’s ok; I don’t know? Maybe, “Life is curled up with a good book”!
I hear you Lynn. It can be a really difficult transition back into finding yourself with more time once the kids leave the house and become independent. We spend so many years spent thinking of others and, at times, just trying to stay afloat with all the responsibilities and stress and then, all of a sudden, we find ourselves with time again. Especially in retirement… there is so much more time for ourselves after having our days filled with work and having work create that structure and purpose in our lives. I have found a lot of joy and connection in playing bridge with other retired folks several times a week. I think curling up with a good book is a great thing to do as well. It might be good to consider adding in a couple of things sprinkled into your week where you connect, laugh and spend time with others as well. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Elsie
Best advice ever: get wet with the rain! Thanks so much!!
Thanks Hernan! So happy to hear from you and know you are doing well! I see your children doing amazing things in beach volleyball! Elsie